Tai and the Mechanical Baby
by anonymouslyLabled
Summary: It's a pain, it's a baby, no, it's a school assignment! What happens when Tai has to take care of a mechanical baby that's programmed to cry like the real thing? Will he survive the night? (or will he chuck it out the window?)
1. Prolouge

Disclaimer: Uh...let me check. (*runs off and scans family tree*) Okay...(*pant*)...I found that I do NOT in any way have any relatives that are in Digimon. (Darn it!) Oh, and I don't own any characters, don't have any connection with, and am not responsible for any safety issues or insurance stuff. I just write fanfictioin, alright? Fiction, thankyouverymuch. (Sorry for the long disclaimer.)  
  
Tai and the Mechanical Baby  
  
All was calm and beautiful on a lovely afternoon in Japan. Blue skies sparkled in the sky as birds chirped melodies of happiness. (Excuse me while I barf) Everything was great on this Thursday afternoon...except one thing....  
"I have to WHAT?!" a very startled Tai blurted out to his teacher.  
"I said, it is your turn to take the baby home, Mr. Kamiya," Mr. Fujiama, Tai's teacher told him.  
"But, that's impossible! I signed up for Thursday!" Tai argued.  
"It is Thursday," Mr. Fujiama told him plainly.  
"What?!" Tai looked at his watch which read 3:03. So, it was a few minutes ahead, did it make that big of a difference when it came to which day it was? Tai wondered.  
Tai then glanced at the AM sign flashing and the date which read "Getsuyobi." I guess it does.  
"Darn it!" Tai mentally slapped himself. "That's what I get for only looking at my watch once a day when it's 3:00." Baka-Tai.  
A voice broke Tai's (not very intelligent) train of thought.  
"Mr. Kamiya, would you please go pack up your supplies so you can come get your baby?" Mr. Fujiama smirked. 


	2. Meet the Grandparents

* Alright, in case the last chapter didn't make any sense whatsoever, I'll explain a little bit. I'm basing this on an actual experience I had. (NO, I didn't actually have a baby!) At my school (and others) in health class, there is a project called the "Baby Think It Over" project. So, sometime throughout our health class which consists of 6 weeks, we all have to take a baby home for the night. (Yes, even the guys! Hehehe) Of course, there's nothing funny about this assignment. Anyone who's had to do it knows what a pain it is and can sympathize with others. When the baby cries (there's a programmed voice box in the back of the baby doll that our teacher likes to set on "cranky") you have to insert a key into the voice box to make it stop and hold it there until the baby coos.  
Ugh, I still have nightmares about that baby! I had basketball going on at the time I had it, so I had to take it to practice with me! It cried 2 times while I was there. Then, it also cried when I was in the shower! (Grrrr) As if that wasn't enough, it cried 7 more times during the night. Yeah, like when I was sleeping. I was so tired by morning, and I had to go to school early to give the baby back. I also had to go to an away game for basketball, which didn't make matters better. I'm still amazed that I actually managed to get an A on the whole assignment. Sorry for my babbling...on with the story!!! *  
  
"Now, before you take this baby, Tai, I'll have to go through the rules and regulations of this Baby Think It Over project." Mr. Fujiama took out a dictionary and set it on his desk. He looked at Tai for a moment before smiling and saying, "You might want to sit down for this."  
A confused Tai walked over and took a seat next to Mr. Fujiama.  
"What's the dicton-"Tai started, but stopped dead. Mr. Fujiama looked at him curiously. "That's not a dictionary, is it?" Tai asked, not really wanting to know the answer.  
"A dictionary? No, this is the Baby Think It Over rule book, volume I."  
"V-volume I?" Tai croaked out.  
"Don't worry, Tai. We won't need to cover volume II." (*phew*) "That's right; it's mostly review, so we'll skip straight to volume III." (*anime-style tears*)  
(4 hours, 42 minutes and 17 seconds later.)  
"Ugh, I'm going to sleep tonight and never wake up," Tai said as he trudged into his home, lazily kicking off his shoes. 'Boy, can Mr. Fujiama talk. Half the time he wasn't even going over rules and regulations, but telling me stories about when he was in high school. I'm surprised he can remember back so far.'  
Tai maneuvered himself with his baby carrier/ car seat thingy in one hand, and his backpack, baby diaper bag and two rulebooks (tow very LARGE rulebooks) in his other. 'I can't believe Mr. Fujiama made me take the rulebooks with me.' Tai mentally complained to himself. 'The nerve of old teachers who find it funny to watch their students suffer!'  
"H-hi, mom!" Tai yelled upon entering the kitchen.  
"Oh, hi T-What in the world is that?" Mrs. Kamiya screamed.  
"Uh...hehe...you see," Tai started. "I guess I forgot to tell you." 'Oh great. How do I explain this one?' Tai wondered.  
"Er, it started when you and dad agreed to sign a paper I had for school. Or, maybe I just told you to sign it and then took it away before I explained anything, you know I can never remember," Tai muttered nervously.  
  
"What do you mean? I signed an adoption form?!" Mrs. Kamiya yelled.  
Tai started to panic. He was waving his hands back and forth (as best he could).  
"No, no mom. It was nothing like that, I just-It's an assignment for school. I have to take this computerized baby and take care of it when it cries. See, here it is, mom! It's plastic, I swear!" Tai waved the baby around, showing his mother, and causing the baby's neck to flop back and look like it was broken. WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
Tai and his mom covered their ears as the baby started crying violently. Uh-oh. 


	3. Too Early to Celebrate

* Well, how's the story so far? Tell me what ya think...review....maybe...if ya want. I guess I can't make you, can I? (*runs to get brainwashing/hypnotizing kit*) Or can I? Muwahahaha!! Anyway, I'm sorry I didn't put the actual real names of characters. I don't really know the Japanese names. (please don't throw tomatoes at me!) Maybe next time!*  
  
"Oh my god! WhadoIdo? WhadoIdo?" Tai babbled. (Like a turkey or chicken.)  
"Make it stop crying," his mother suggested.  
"How?" Tai bawled.  
"How should I know?!" Mrs. Kamiya howled back.  
"Oh yeah," Tai said. He took the baby and inserted the key he wore on a bracelet, which he couldn't take off his wrist. As soon as the key had been turned, the baby stopped crying.  
"Phew," Tai said as he took the key out. WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! The baby cried again.  
"Tai, didn't you read the rulebook?" Mrs. Kamiya yelled, already skimming through it to the tenth page.  
"Mr. Fujiama went over the instructions with me."  
"Well, did you listen to him?"  
Tai didn't say anything.  
Mrs. Kamiya sighed. "It says here that you must keep the key in until it coos."  
"The key?" Tai asked, slipping the key back in the baby and silencing it.  
"The baby!" Mrs. Kamiya replied, shaking her head. "The baby will coo."  
So, Tai waited with the key in the baby. Finally, after 14 minutes, Tai was startled (and almost dropped the baby altogether) by a laughing/ happy gurgle sound. He slowly took the key out. No crying. Tai put the baby back in the carrier and ran into the kitchen.  
"Oh yeah!" Tai said, punching the air with his fist.  
"What's with the little dance?" Mr. Kamiya asked as he walked into the kitchen, seeing Tai do his version of the hokey pokey.  
"My baby stopped crying," Tai said and started dancing again.  
'Tai has a very imaginative mind for a high school student.' Mr. Kamiya thought then looked at Tai oddly, then to his wife.  
"I can fill you in later, dear," she said, smiling. He nodded and she went back to her cooking.  
"Tai," she said after a moment of watching him shake what she gave him.  
"Yeah?" he responded, still dancing like a fool.  
"You do know that the baby will cry many times, no just once, right?" Mrs. Kamiya asked, only to a very pale Tai.  
"Wha?! I do?!" Tai shouted as he sputtered and fell on the kitchen floor.  
After a silent moment, Tai said from the floor,"Hey mom?" She looked down at him. "Does this mean I actually have to watch the baby tonight?"  
"Well, of course. What were going to do, throw it under your bed?"  
"Uh...well, I was thinking the closet actually."  
(*sweat drop*) Mrs. Kamiya fell over also. 'Where did I go wrong?' She asked herself. 


	4. Can't Trick Kari

*Ugh, sorry I haven't updated this story in...a long time. But, I finally did, so HA! On with the chapters!*  
  
"Dinner was great, mom," Tai said as he stretched lazily on the couch to watch TV.  
"Thanks, Tai," Mrs. Kamiya smiled at him as she replied, then her smile faded. "Did you remember to check on your baby?"  
"Huh?" Tai said, his eyes bulging. "Uh...yeah, yeah I checked on it. Don't worry!" Tai tried to stay calm though he appeared that he had just swallowed a bug. (aww, poor Snimon!)  
Meanwhile, Kari was sitting at the table eyeing Tai suspiciously. You could almost see those gears turning around and round in her head.  
"Ugh, I'm tired. I'm going to bed, see you tomorrow everyone!"  
"Goodnight, Tai," his parents said in unison. (creepy...)  
Right as he reached his bedroom door, he heard Kari in her room call to him, "Tai, could you come here, please?" in her sweet, little voice.  
Tai went into her room, only to find that his plan (his very bad plan) had backfired. Kari held the baby carrier out to him, still holding the baby.  
"What is this?!" She yelled.  
"Ahhh, it-it's a baby! You know, that mechanical Baby Think It Over project that we have to do at school? Well, I love you so much, Kari, that I decided to let you take care of this baby for me since you love taking care of things so much. Anyway, there you go, bye!" Tai said all in one breath. Then, he sprinted out of the room, making a run for his. He made it and he scrambled into his bedroom, waking Agumon in the process.  
(*yawn*) "Tai, why are you such a wreck. You look horrible," Agumon said.  
(*pant*) "Well, thanks, buddy, you really know what to say to a guy who just had a baby!" Tai said without even thinking.  
Agumon just looked at Tai strangely.  
"Uh....let me start over. See, I have this assignment for school and...."  
So, Tai explains everything to Agumon up until the part where he hid the baby in Kari's room.  
"You just left it for Kari to take care of?" Agumon asked.  
"Well, yeah. I think she's going to give her big brother a rest and look after-"Tai was cut off by his bedroom door opening to reveal a not so happy –looking Kari.  
"Uh...hi, sis," Tai gulped.  
Kari threw the baby at Tai's head before storming off back to her room. WAAAAAAAHHH!! The baby started crying.  
"Here we go again!" Tai threw his hands into the air with a giant sigh.  
  
*Well, too bad for Tai, but Kari isn't going to take that! Yeah, go Kari, go Kari, it's your birthday...Not really. Yay. Okay, on to the next chapter!* 


	5. Headbanging Joy

*Alright, more story!*  
  
After much headache and listening to Agumon complain about the baby like it was his fault, (blame Mr. Fujiama!) Tai got the baby quiet and it cooed.  
"Oh! So cute when it coos!" Tai said with a goofy smile and stars in his eyes.  
"Tai, are you alright?" Agumon asked, patting Tai on the shoulder.  
"Of course."  
"Are you sure?"  
*pause*  
"Tai?" Agumon looked at him, holding his mechanical baby and sleeping. Sleeping?!  
"Tai, wake up! You're going to drop that baby and it's going to start crying again. Tai!" Agumon shook Tai until he woke up with a start.  
"Ahhh! Agumon, can't you let a guy sleep?" Tai shouted as he flew his arms (that were still holding the baby) up into the air. The baby went flying and landed on its dead on the floor.  
"Agumon, look what you made me do!" Tai said angrily. WAAAAAAHHHH!!!  
"That never would have happened if you had been awake in the first place!" Agumon retorted.  
"Well, you should have-"  
"Tai, tend to your baby!" Mrs. Kamiya yelled at him from outside his room.  
"I'm tending to it right now, mom!"  
He rushed over and picked up the baby and shoved the key in its back.  
  
"Ah, finally. Quiet," Agumon said as he plopped down on Tai's bed.  
"Yeah, I can't believe this thing is going to cry more when I'm asleep. Whose bright idea was this baby, anyway?" Tai said as he made a face.  
"It's a good thing the baby doesn't do everything real babies do. You wouldn't know the first thing about changing a baby's diaper." Agumon started laughing.  
"Grrrr...that's not funny, Agumon. I could change a diaper. What about you? You don't even have fingers. You'd slice the baby into shreds before you even got the diaper off!" Tai started laughing hard and almost fell off his bed that he was sitting on. Agumon chuckled at Tai, trying to balance the baby in his arms, looking kind of like a chicken flapping wings.  
All of a sudden...WWAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!  
"Wha? Wha? Huh?" Tai scrambled to turn the key in the baby's back. It was turned all the way it could be. Why was the baby still crying?  
"Tai, make it stop!" Agumon yelled.  
"Uh...da...wha...how?" Tai said frantically, doing a dance as he held the still-crying baby in his arms.  
"You're the one with the instruction manual!" (*uh...duh*)  
"Oh...I think I remember...er...oh yeah, that's it!" Tai said proudly, like he won a Grammy or something. He removed the key. The baby stopped crying.  
"What did you do?" Agumon asked, impressed.  
"I simply removed the key inserted into the baby's back and it ceased it's crying since it obviously wants "alone time" as the rule manual states," Tai proclaimed in a (mocking) sophisticated voice. He held his key up in the air and put his other hand on his hip like an all-powerful god of the Baby Think It Over. Oh yeah, god-like. (*really corny "big hero" music starts playing.*)  
"Uh, Tai," Agumon started.  
"Shhhh. Not now, Agumon. You're interrupting my "bow-down-to-me" pose and theme music."  
"But, Tai!"  
As soon as Agumon finished his last word, the baby (that was just laying on the edge of the bed where our "big hero" left it) fell off, landed on its head, and started crying. WAAAAAAAHHH!!  
"I tried to warn you, Tai," Agumon told him, but looked over at Tai who was conveniently using his bedpost to bang his big-haired, goggle-less head (remember he gave those to Davis) numerous times over and over upon.  
WAAAAAAAHH! The baby cried on.  
Agumon threw his hands up and went over to join Tai in his head banging fun.  
  
*Muwahahah! Gotta love head-bangers, right? Hehehehehe.....me no like crying babies.* 


	6. DreamsGood, BabyBad

*Here's the next chapter, dear readers out in fanfiction land!*  
  
"Ahh, I'm glad that's over with, right Agumon?" Tai said as the baby finally started to coo and laugh.  
"Yeah, it seems so cute and innocent when it's laughing and gurgling all happy," Agumon said, inspecting the baby closely.  
"Yep, I know what you mean. When it does that I almost don't hate it anymore."  
(*Agumon looks at Tai*)  
"Almost," Tai said reassuringly as he put the baby in its carrier and went to sleep, leaving it on the floor.  
"Goodnight, Tai," Agumon said.  
(*yawn*) "Goodnight, Agumon."  
Tai was asleep within minutes, and Agumon was too. The snoring was so loud, it was hard to tell who it was actually coming from. (Probably both of them!)  
(11:35 PM) Tai smiled in his sleep. He was dreaming. ~ It was a beautiful morning in Tokyo...until a giant marshmallow man started attacking the city!  
"Oh, look (*insert name here*), it's the Pilsbury Dough Boy. Oh, isn't that nice? That funny Pilsbury-"  
"Wait, wait! That's not the Dough Boy, it's a marshmallow man, (*insert different name here*) !"  
"Leaping lizards, you're right! What will we do, (*insert same name as first time*) ?"  
"I know! Let's call Ghostbusters!"  
(*confused look*) "Who are you gonna call?"  
"I said-"  
Random person passing by: "Hey, look up there!" (*pointing toward the sky*)  
Another random person: "It's a bird!"  
Different random person: "It's a plane!"  
Yet another random person: "No, it's Superman!"  
A COMPLETELY different random person: "No, actually...it is a bird."  
Another random person: "Ha! I was right! Go me, go me...."  
Different random person: "Huh. I was sure it was a plane. Does it look like a bird to you, Yet another random person?"  
Yet another random person: "No, it looked like Superman."  
Random person passing by: "No, not that. That!" (*points to another thing in the sky*)  
(*All random persons look at it*)  
Everyone: "It's SuperTai!" (*cheers*)  
SuperTai now fights the evil marshmallow man monster and saves Tokyo from any more destruction. As he flies (yes, he can fly) down to the ground, he is greeted by shouts of "hip-hip-hooray's" and "Go SuperTai".  
"No, no, it was my pleasure," Tai, I mean SuperTai, gleams.  
Cute girl: "Oh, SuperTai, you're so strong and powerful."  
"Well...eh, hehehe......." SuperTai spluttered.  
Cute girl: "I was wondering, would you like to come over for dinner sometime? I'd cook dinner for us, and then we could-"~ Cute girl was cut off by the awakening of Tai's dream to a crying noise. WAAAAAAAHHH! The baby was at it again. GRRRRRRRR! (11:48 PM)  
  
*Oh well, too bad for Tai and his dreams!* Tai: "Why do you have to be so evil?" Me: "Sorry, Tai, but this is a comedy. If you slept the whole time, it wouldn't be very funny now, would it?" Tai: "........" Me: "Tai, are you sleeping?! You can't sleep! The story's not over yet! Get up!" Tai: ".........." Me: "AAHHHHH.....oh fine." (*goes to sleep right in front of the computer*) 


	7. FirePretty

*Alright, I'm making progress! And Tai finally woke up!* Tai: "Yeah, but I decided to leave this fanfic. I'm not going to be finishing this story." Me: WHAT?!!!! You're kidding, right? Tai: (*shakes head*) Me: "This can't be happening! What do you want? I'll get you it if you stay. I can't lose my main character. That would suck." Tai: "Well, then you better apologize to your readers (if there are any) for the suckage of your story." Me: "I'll get you back into this story, just you wait and see. I'll bribe you somehow." Tai: "I'd like to see you try." Me: "hehehehehe....."  
  
Tai was once again sleeping, this time, without any dreams. The time was 1:52 AM and both Agumon and Tai were snoring lightly when....WAAAAHHH!  
"Argh!" Tai got up and put the key into action. Agumon woke up.  
"Ahhh, what time is it?" Agumon let out a giant yawn.  
"2 o' clock in the morning. I'm so tired. If this thing cries again, I might chuck it out the window." Tai was slowly nodding off; Agumon was already asleep.  
The baby cooed, startling Tai a little bit.  
"Wha?!" Tai yelped, surprised. "Oh, it was just the baby." He set the baby back down and was instantly asleep again.  
Until.....(3:15 AM) WAAAAAHHH!!  
Tai jumped out of bed, once again surprised.  
"Oh, the baby," Tai said as his shoulders slumped. "Hey, wait. Where is the baby?! It's not in its carrier. What the-?" Tai searched for it on his bed.  
"No, not there. Wonder where it could beeeee!" Tai fell backwards onto the floor. He tripped over the baby.  
(5:20 AM)  
WAAAAAAHHH! That baby was driving Tai nuts! And Agumon as well. They both wondered hw the rest of Tai's family were able to sleep through the baby's crying. (Little did he know that in his parents' and sister's rooms, they laid sleeping with earplugs in.)  
Agumon was going insane.  
"Tai, get that baby to stop crying. I'm trying to sleep!"  
"Agumon, why don't YOU go fix it if it bothers you so much?!" Truth was: it bothered Tai just as much as Agumon. Tai was just too lazy to get up at the time.  
"Fine, I will then!" Agumon stormed over to the baby.  
Tai knew Agumon would fall for it. He's taking care of it now.  
A few seconds later, Tai heard his window being opened. It was raining outside and the wind was gusting through the window. Tai shivered, then got up.  
"Agumon, what are you doing, opening the window for?" Tai asked.  
"Pepper breath....Pah!" Agumon said as fire shot out of his mouth, burning up the...NO!!!  
"Agumon, no! Not the baby!" Tai frantically yelled. "Fire, fire! Why can't anyone in this house hear me?!" (In their rooms, Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya smirked. Kari did the same.) Tai was about to pick it up, but realized it was on fire. So, he did what his first instinct told him to do: throw it out the window.  
"Ugh. My baby!" Tai shouted. "No, no...my baby."  
"Uh...at least you get to take it back today, Tai." Agumon said, trying to comfort him. (And trying to make up for torching the baby.)  
"Errrrr.......*thud*" Tai collapsed on his bead, exhausted. 


	8. History Repeats Itself

*Muwahahaha! I go him back! (*cries tears of happiness*) I'm so proud of Tai for finishing his part in my fanfic. (*smiles*) Alright, last chapter, guys. Then, you can be rid of me for now. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!!!!!* Little voice in my head: "So, how exactly did you get Tai to reconsider what he said?" Me: "Well, I realized that I just had to start thinking of what he might want." Little voice in my head: "And?" Me: "hee-hee. He's easily contented." (*Tai in the background squealing over a batch of chocolate chip cookies*)  
  
"You what?!" Mr. Fujiama asked, flabbergasted.  
Tai hung his head low. "I said, I'm really sorry, but I accidentally burnt the mechanical baby then threw-er, dropped it out the window last night while it was raining."  
"What? How did you burn it?"  
"I...uh...well.....you see...er...my....pet....he, uh....got a hold of the baby and dragged it into the kitchen and when my mom wasn't looking....uh.....threw it on top of the stove that was on. I started burning and.....flames, and......big mess." Tai looked at Mr. Fujiama. "Here's the baby, if you want it back." Tai took out a large, black, crusty blob that slightly resembled a form slightly close to a human. The voice box was shattered and hanging out of the burnt baby's back by a wire.  
"I'm really sorry, Mr. Fujiama. I'll pay you back for it. I'll take the "F" on my grade, too."  
"F?" Mr. Fujiama asked like he didn't know what it meant. "Oh, Tai, you don't have to take the "F" on this assignment. I have four other Baby Think It Over mechanical babies. You can take the assignment over again until you pass it." Mr. Fujiama smiled at Tai, who was yelling and crying over his hard work. Then he fainted.  
  
The End  
  
*Okay, I'm finished with my fanfic!!!! Yay! Thanks again for reading! I really appreciate it! This is the end of Tai and the Mechanical Baby! Farewell, my dear readers, until we meet again.* (You could check out my other stories, though. *hint, hint* JK ) ~AnonymouslyLabled~ 


End file.
